June 2009
6 posts
Email of the day
Background- our friend lost his virginity, and he was bragging about it- two things that never happen. Also, he met her through a christian website.
wait. why are you facebook friends w/ austin’s secret southern god-fearing fart-smelling piss-soaking breakfast-beej-giving 12-a-day-needing inevitable-future-wife big bootied sex-freak of a girlfriend?
this corruption story has many layers...
I guess I am the resident divorced guy who people...
Yep, apparently when people decide they are done with their marriage, they come my way, asking advice. That’s 6 couples thus far.
I don’t even know what to say about this. I feel a little like the grim reaper of marriages.
Quandry
So, I was offered a new job, with a company that is 25 minutes closer to home, making 15 thousand more a year.
Sounds great, right?
Here's the catch- it's a 3 month contract to hire position.
Would you leave a stable job, with the current economic condition for something new, with no guarantees you'll have a job in 3 months?
Well…
indefensible:
I guess it’s because you’re a pointless contrarian. Your addition to debate is generally nothing more than “that’s not true, here’s an unrelated anecdote, I spoke to someone at a party once who works in a vaguely related field.”
You’re like a streaker in a football match. You’re not interested in playing for either team, you just want people to look at you for 90 seconds. Which...
GRRRRRR
SUPER PISSED that the professor changed the financial statements at the last minute for our exam, and didn’t tell anyone, resulting in 6 hours of studying down the drain.
May 2009
61 posts
Irony?
So, last night my group had our presentation regarding the feasibility of creating a designated driver for hire business designed to get you and your car home after getting intoxicated in downtown Denver. We aced the presentation and sparked a lot of interest. We found that a lot of folks drove because they were worried about leaving their vehicles overnight.
afterwards, we went out for...
Yo dawg, I HATE readin books, but you can buy... →
indefensible:
timestolen:
“It’s complicated” is a statement I hate more than any other one.
It either precedes or follows complete and utter bullshit excuses and, more often than not, lies.
Ideas can be complicated.
IKEA instructions can be complicated.
The truth is rarely complicated.
True.
I’ve found that when people say ‘It’s complicated’, they mean that telling the truth will...
I may STILL be drunk, and it's almost 10 AM.
halfbakedidea:
denvermbaguy:
Also, will someone please tell me what’s up with my teammate freaking out on me because I was talking to a girl on the phone?
WE ARE NOT DATING, DO NOT FREAK OUT ON ME
Dude….I feel your pain. Was I your teammate? What HAPPENED last night?
I am not sure, but for some reason, someone’s sock (NOT MINE) is in my pocket.
WHAT THE HELL!?
I may STILL be drunk, and it's almost 10 AM.
Also, will someone please tell me what’s up with my teammate freaking out on me because I was talking to a girl on the phone?
WE ARE NOT DATING, DO NOT FREAK OUT ON ME
email of the day!
friend: I bet Mark would fingerbang a corpse…
me: If there is real rotten cooze to be had, I’m there like grandpa at the Country Kitchen buffet.
Project Presentation
So, I’ve been working diligently with my team on a community project for the last month or so. Tonight is the presentation, where “similar to a trade show”, we set up a booth and show what we’ve been working on.
Sounds nice right? EXCEPT the fact that it is A SCHOOL PROJECT!! It’s a freaking SCIENCE FAIR, NOT A TRADE SHOW.
Being an industrious student, I found out...
Ooooooo, now you did it N. Korea. You are sooooooo... →
Hey Morgon Spurlock! Your films suck. Here's how...
indefensible:
Make a film where you see how long you can survive only eating foods that are shaped like, or are imprinted with, logos.
McGriddle ✓
M&Ms ✓
Oreos ✓
Liquids would be a problem, but I would let you get away with drinking Coca-Cola BUT ONLY FROM A HOBBLE-SKIRT BOTTLE.
You forgot speghettios, goldfish, etc.
Slow news day? →
I think I’d be kind of pissed that this douchebag was sitting there taking 15 minutes to put a portrait of me in my coffee.
Why?
Does it reflect poorly on me that I can’t mention the oral exam I just took without every single on of my friends saying “ORAL” and then snickering?
Fucking hell.
Is it wrong that I dreamt about smacking my...
He offered to write the first draft of our paper. Having read it, I REALLY want to know how this fucker got through his undergrad, much less accepted into both an MBA and a Law program. Feel free to read this pure crap:
In order to research and identify possible gaps in the community, Team 5 went on three different excursions. During our first excursion we went downtown and noticed the...
Pffffft
indefensible:
Someone has pointed out to me that stuffmygirlfriendsays.com is reminiscent of thingsmyboyfriendsays.com, and hey, it is.
Oddly I first found out about that site because a friend emailed Erin and asked her if that was her blog, and was she keeping track of stupid shit I say? No, it wasn’t, but when I found out, I sent the link to the blogger site to that friend, who thought it was...
Yeah, it's pretty faggy of me
squibble:
denvermbaguy:
But I just planted a garden full of veggies and herbs to make fresh marinara.
I AM SOOO EXCITED!
Maybe you can grow some cucumbers too!
I like Misshapen gourds the best!
Yeah, it's pretty faggy of me
But I just planted a garden full of veggies and herbs to make fresh marinara.
I AM SOOO EXCITED!
“Do not invite yourself to stay with friends when you travel anymore. Presumably...”
– I so agree with this rule for those aged 25 and over
(via somethingchanged)
Well, I’m lucky enough to have friends who don’t issue empty invitations. I haven’t seen justalittletaste in over 2 years, and when I recently thought there was a slight chance we might be in her neck of the woods, I asked...
Boulder tire slasher blames his mom for making him... →
I blame speeding police cruisers for making me sit down when I pee too.
Email of the day
This is my friend asking how a date went.
Ok, so if you are playing for the Rockies. Which of these pertains to your time at bat? 1. Went to first base 2. Went to second base 3. Went to third base 4. Hit a home run 5. Struck out 6. Ran into some tall grass on the infield 7. There was no use of oral communication so you had to rely on hand signals 8. You broke your bat and it was repaired...
Favorite Email of the DAY!!
seriously
this may sound strange coming from me, but is going out of your way to be as big of a dick as possible the only way you can achieve climax
Sad, pathetic or awesome?
Dudes hitting on women via tumbler just seems ______
My neighbors probably hate me right about..... now
Yeah, so, it was a warm night and I kept my windows open. I guess my neighbors subscribe to the belief that about 5:30 AM is the perfect time to come out of their house, where they’ve been drinking all night and hang out on their porch, drunker than hell, yelling, pissing, AND throwing rocks at other folks’ houses.
Windows were broken and the police were called. GOOD MORNING!!!
Kids
Yeah, so my daughter is almost 13 now. Not too long ago, I noticed something that made me hyperventilate.
She is either wearing a padded bra, or she is growing up.
Either way, fucking kill me now.
Stage (from last night at the comedy club)
indefensible:
denvermbaguy:
Some dumb chick: I’m on the stage guys!!
Me: That’s nice, get off.
Some dumb chick: I am the first act.
Me: There’s no pole, and this crowd doesn’t seem like the type to give money to charity
Some dumb chick: That was a dick thing to say, your shirt is a little too gay.
Reblogged because I hope this is true.
100% truth
Stage (from last night at the comedy club)
Some dumb chick: I’m on the stage guys!!
Me: That’s nice, get off.
Some dumb chick: I am the first act.
Me: There’s no pole, and this crowd doesn’t seem like the type to give money to charity
Some dumb chick: That was a dick thing to say, your shirt is a little too gay.
Shoes (from last night at an irish bar)
Other douchebag: Yeah, I wear a size 13… wide. You ladies know what that means?
Me: When you stick your peter in your shoe, it looks really tiny?
Other douchebag: You’re a dick.
Women "marrying" jesus. →
Ridiculous
